A few words...

   November 30th made it two years since my brother passed away. As I was looking through some stuff I came across this poem I wrote to him when he was in his first couple of months after diagnosis. I never could find the right time to give it to him, but I did share it with my mom and I think she gave to him in a card quite some time later. I found it and it reminded me of how unfair cancer is and how much it sucked and still sucks that he had to go through this and ultimately give his life. He handled it with such bravery and fought it every step of the way with 100 percent of everything he had. He worked up until the last few months and never complained. Just thought I'd share this with you.

 

 

I often sit and think about, is this really real?

And then I start to think about how you must feel.

Do you ever wonder why you and not me?

I do everyday, but I still cannot see.

I thought this was something that happened to others.

It happened to "them", but not to MY brother.

So now that it's here, what does it mean?

Maybe it's different and not what it seems.

Will you be sick, will you lose your hair?

Will you even feel well enough to care?

Can I be happy on days you feel bad,

or should I feel guilty? This all makes me mad!

Why did it pick you to endure and suffer?

Even with faith, each day seems to get tougher.

I hate that you're sick and beginning to feel down.

I wish that when I saw you, my words would come around.

If I could, I'd tell you everything that I've thought,

But can I offer wise words in a war I've not fought?

It seems like my words would just be words.

Could I really say something you haven't already heard?

But there are things that I know to be true,

I wish there was something more I could do.

If I could I would chase this monster away,

and I'd guard your life from it every day.

I'd tell you I love you and I always will

and then I'd think about how you must feel.

 

   We never talked about the cancer that much and I never had a chance to talk to him about how he felt. I wish I knew now.